How We Broke from Tradition in Our Marriage and You Can Too

Today (May the fourth be with you) marks our three year wedding anniversary. I thought I would take this opportunity to discuss some things we either have done in the past or currently do in our marriage that break from tradition. Please keep in mind this article is meant only to state facts surrounding my personal feelings and experiences. None of this discussion is meant to persuade you in any way on what to. do in your own marriage. On that note, let’s get into it.

We got Married at the Court House

My husband and I had our sights set on buying a house and travelling, not paying thousands of dollars for one night of our lives. No hate to anyone! Weddings can be the most magical night of some people’s lives. Everyone should do what’s right for them. We just had different priorities for our money.

“Weren’t your friends and family upset you didn’t have a big celebration?”

No, they weren’t. No one had to take time off work and pay for flights/hotels for a party celebrating our marriage. We chose to celebrate with everyone in a different way.

“Didn’t you miss trying on wedding dresses and planning a ceremony and reception?”

No, I didn’t. I still bought a white dress, it just wasn’t a traditional wedding dress. Also, you can still wear a wedding dress to the courthouse, there’s literally no one stopping you. I just chose to purchase a sundress that could be worn more than once.

“Wasn’t it weird being married that way?”

Actually, it was great. It was literally just me, my husband and the judge in the room. He asked us how we met and what we loved about each other before every starting the ceremony. It was peaceful and intimate and I wouldn’t change it for anything. The facts that it only cost us $80 and we got to pick our exact date/time were just bonuses.

All in all, if you are trying to save money or don’t want to plan a big wedding then getting married at the court house is an option you should explore. Rules are different depending on your county, but we were allowed up to 12 guests at the ceremony so close family and friends can still see you get married.

We Honeymooned with Friends and Family

Instead of the traditional honeymoon that most couples traditionally take, we opted for something a little different. We flew to Orlando where we met a group of friends and went to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios. We spent a few days there celebrating and exploring the parks before heading to our next destination. Most of my family still resides in Indiana so we flew into Indianapolis and spent the last few days of our trip celebrating with family. There was no formal party or gathering, we just had fun with everyone before flying back home.

“So you didn’t leave on your honeymoon right after the ceremony?”

No, we got married in May and took our “honeymoon” in October over Halloween. That allowed us to get married, buy a house and get moved before worrying about going on a big trip.

“You didn’t go on your trip alone? Like, no alone time?”

We had our own hotel room in both destinations, but the goal for our honeymoon wasn’t being alone. We can be alone at home, this trip was for celebrating with everyone.

Again, this is not bashing on anyone who took or dreams of an island resort honeymoon. If you and your partner are like us, going on a trip with friends to celebrate your newlywed status is highly recommended. Especially to a place like a theme park or the Las Vegas Strip. It’s also worth noting that we spent about a third of what we would have spent on just a wedding, on our wedding AND multi-destination trip.

We keep our Finances Separate

We both agreed on this from day one. even though, traditionally, finances would be combined after marrying. There is one joint savings account that we both put money in each month and a credit card account we share, but the rest of our finances are kept separate.

“How do you pay bills?”

We sat down and added up all of our monthly expenses then split the bills between us so we are paying roughly the same amount each month. That means each of us are responsible for certain bills and there’s no excessive money transferring to square everything up at the end of the month.

“If you’re splitting all the bills anyway, why not just combine your accounts?”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy justifying my purchases to anyone and that includes my husband. Before anyone gets upset on his behalf, know that he feels the same way. Having separate accounts allows us to purchase things for ourselves and each other without feeling like we have to justify anything. We have had exactly zero fights over money in our marriage.

“So what’s yours isn’t his and vice versa?”

False. Just because the money is kept in separate accounts doesn’t mean it can’t be shared. All we have to do is sit down and have a conversation about what we each need. Money is easily transferable.

“What about large joint purchases?”

We split them. First they get paid for out of our joint savings account and then we each transfer money into that account to cover our half.

This is not financial advice, just an explanation of what we do. I am not telling you this is the best way to handle your finances, this is just how we handle ours. This information was shared strictly to show an example of how keeping separate finances can work in a marriage.

We use a Wishlist Website to Purchase Gifts for Each Other

Tradition dictates that you need to surprise your partner with the perfect surprise gift for every holiday. My husband can’t read my mind and it goes blank when he straight up asks me what I want so when I saw an ad for a wish list website, we decided to try it. This is mostly due to me since I am not great at buying gifts, but we both love using a wish list site and have even gotten my family doing it for Christmas every year.

“Doesn’t that ruin the surprise since you know what. you’re getting?”

Not at all! We each create a list of multiple things at multiple price points so there’s always something in the right price range. Sometimes what’s on his list gives me an idea for something else for him which would definitely be a surprise. While you might have an idea of what you’re getting, it’s not guaranteed.

“You don’t want to see what he would get you on his own?”

Buying gifts for your partner isn’t a test, it’s a gesture. I would rather get something I really want over something he thought I might want and vice versa. I don’t need my husband to prove his love for. me by getting me the perfect gift without ideas from me.

Our Cats will be the only Children we ever have

We don’ want kids, but we have three cats and we think that’s so much better. I know this is a controversial topic and please know that I am not looking down on anyone with kids. Just remember that everyone wants different things for their lives and we are making the decision that works best for us.

I’m sure you can imagine the questions we get for this one so I won’t go into them here. Suffice it to say that we enjoy our lifestyle sans human children, but will spoil our fur babies rotten. You do what’s right for you.

We Work Together

My husband and I actually met in the workplace and have worked together throughout our relationship. We both enjoy all of our time together both at home and at work. Don’t worry, we’re HR approved.

“Don’t you get sick of each other?”

Sometimes, but thats when we go do our separate activities and take a break. We never let it get to the point where we are arguing over too much togetherness.

“What if. you disagree about something at work?”

We disagree all of the time, doesn’t mean we are going to divorce over it. We settle the dispute and move on. The important part is to never take work home. There have been times we are essentially not speaking as coworkers, but we go home and things are normal as a married couple. If you let one world collide with the other, you’re asking for trouble.

Breaking Tradition is Cheaper and Less Stressful

There are so many ways we break from tradition today, so why should marriage be any different? We face modern problems in our relationships which require modern solutions. Do what’s best for your marriage and finances, don’t worry about what everyone else thinks or says.

Until Next Time,

May the Fourth be with You