What I’ve Learned in 11 Years as a Nurse
March 2026 marks my 11th anniversary of becoming a nurse and I want to celebrate by passing on some knowledge. When I started brainstorming for this article, I came up with 7 things that I either wish I had known 11 years ago or want you to know as a new nurse just starting out. While my entire career has been spent in the operating room, the following 7 lessons apply to any nurse in just about any specialty.
Set Boundaries
When you start your first or new job as a nurse, I cannot stress enough how badly you need to set boundaries from day one. There will be doctors, patients and coworkers that will try to belittle you and/or assert dominance over you, but you need to let them know in a professional, yet assertive, way that you will not be treated that way. First, decide how you want to be treated and what that does and doesn’t look like. Next, come up with some key phrases that can be used in different situations where you are being treated in a negative way.
For example:
A doctor is yelling at you. It doesn’t matter whether you did something wrong or not, no one deserves to be yelled at in the workplace. It’s unprofessional and rude. In a calm, regular voice you could say something like, “I can see you’re really upset about this situation, let’s talk about it later in a more professional manner.” This does a few things. First, it lets the doctor know that they are visibly upset and making a very unprofessional scene. Second, it tells them that you are aware they are upset and want to speak with you about it, AKA acknowledging their feelings. And Third, it sets a boundary that you will not tolerate being spoken to in that way, but you are willing to discuss the situation in a professional way at a later time.
No yelling, no cursing and no name-calling are three great rules to live by in your career. I live by these rules and tell my staff these rules as a charge nurse. Using these rules and the example given above, come up with some phrases you can say in different situations ahead of time. That way, when emotions are running high in the moment you already know what to say.
There are Events/Patients that will Stick with You
You ask any seasoned nurse about their most heartbreaking or terrifying moment in their career and they will have one. There will be certain stories, patients or events that will stick with you throughout your career. You have to find a way to learn from them and live with them. Their prominence in your mind will lessen over time, but they will always be there. Try to remember the positive stories over the negative ones and don’t let the negative ones consume you. They don’t teach you how to mentally or emotionally deal with any of this in nursing school. I’ll tell you my stories and how I deal with them.
My most heartbreaking story starts when I responded to a trauma page in the ER. It was a young child found floating upside down in the family pool, CPR in progress. I waited and watched the ER team continue CPR, but after a few minutes they called time of death. The screams of that child’s mother are still something I can hear in my head to this day. In situations like this, you’ll see many as a nurse, you have to realize there is nothing you personally could have done to change that outcome. Did I cry? Yes, for the loss of a child’s life, but there was no guilt for me to take as a nurse because there was nothing I could have done.
Another situation involved a teenager riding a motorcycle with her boyfriend when it crashed. I was the nurse that took care of her during her emergency craniotomy that night. It was touch-and-go when I left her in the ICU, but the surgeon was hopeful so I was too. A few months later my manager called me into her office and there sat the teenager with her parents. They wanted to meet me and thank me for taking care of her that night during her surgery. The teen told me she was still recovering, but had not experienced any deficits and was planning on going to college that fall in spite of her injuries. That is actually my most heartwarming and rewarding story. I still think about her and wonder what she’s doing and how she is. Is she married? Does she have kids? A successful career? I can think about those things because I was part of the team that helped save her life.
I could go on for days with different stories, but I choose to remember the good ones. There will be patients you can save and patients you can’t. Knowing the difference will help you immeasurably in your career and mental health. Live with the stories and learn from them, but don’t let them consume you.
Treat your Trainees how you Wish you would have been Treated
“Nurses eat their young” was something I had heard occasionally during nursing school. I always wondered how that could be true. We’re all there to help patients and each other, how could nurses treat each other that way? Let me tell you, it’s true. Of course not every nurse fits this stereotype, but there’s enough of them to make “nurses eat their young” a saying. Since I didn’t believe it was real, I went into my first job somewhat blind. I also hadn’t learned how to set boundaries for myself so I was quite miserable for a while. I have my theories as to why nurses might treat each other this way, but I won’t get into those here because that’s not the point of this article. What I will get into is breaking the cycle. Every new nurse I train, I treat them how I wish I would have been treated when I was in their shoes. If you had a bad experience as a new nurse, help me break this cycle! Here are the things I always try to keep in mind while training a new nurse:
They are new, not stupid. They have the knowledge. It’s my job to teach them how to put that knowledge into practice.
Each person learns differently. Some may learn by doing it themselves while others may need to watch a task being done before doing it themselves. Each new nurse should be assessed for their learning style and then paired with trainers that are able to cater to that learning style.
Ask them frequently if they have questions. Some new nurses aren’t comfortable asking questions at all or asking them while tasks are being done. Anytime there is a moment of quiet, ask your trainee if they have any questions. Doing it this way lets them know that you are tuned in and paying attention and they have the freedom to ask anything. If they say they don’t have any questions, I test their knowledge over everything we just did to hit the key points they should be taking away. Do you understand why we did (blank)? What if (blank) happened, what would you do? I find that sometimes asking these knowledge questions will lead them to think of questions they didn’t know they had.
Take Responsibility for your Mistakes
I was raised to take responsibility for my mistakes so this was second nature for me, but I was actually surprised how much respect it has earned me in my career. The first example I have of this was in my first six months as a new nurse. I was attempting to insert a foley catheter and accidentally contaminated it. My trainer went to grab a new foley kit while I stayed sterile and the surgeon started yelling asking what was taking so long. I simply told him it was my fault, I contaminated the first catheter and had to get a new kit to try again. He immediately stopped in his tracks and told me, in a calm voice, while he appreciated me owning my mistakes, he didn’t appreciate the delay. I know that doesn’t sound like a win, or a sign of respect, but if you work around surgeons then you know that’s a win.
In general, I have found that coworkers and doctors will have so much more respect for you when you can admit you made a mistake and show them you are actively trying to fix it. You can’t hide from mistakes or pretend they didn’t happen. Quite frankly, it makes you look arrogant, unprofessional and incompetent. Own it. Fix it. Done.
Burn-Out is Real
In my first few years as a nurse I was averaging 60 hours/week on the clock. I wanted to learn everything I could and experience everything that could be experienced as an O.R. nurse. At the time, I was single, hungry for knowledge and had nothing better to do. I also would have died on the hill that burn-out was just an excuse to not work. Boy, was I wrong. After 11 years I can tell you that burnout is very real. The more experiences you have, the more they can take a toll on you. The more you learn, the more they expect from you. This is not an argument for you to learn as little as possible or shy away from experiences. You need all of that knowledge and experience to reach your full potential. What I implore you to do is leave work at the hospital the second you clock out. Find ways to get away from being a nurse. Have friends that don’t work in healthcare or don’t work with you directly. Use your PTO. Take trips or just stay at home and work on your hobbies. Remember that you go to work to earn a paycheck to pay for the things that bring you joy. Getting to help people while you’re at work is just a major bonus. Your mental health should be the top priority, not work.
No One Cares about your school GPA or how many times you took the NCLEX
Most nursing programs seem to center around your grade and overall GPA. I have a few issues with that, but we can save that for another time. This may be controversial, but your grades and GPA literally only matter while you’re in school. Once I graduated, I was never asked about either of those things again. Even for my first job as a nurse. The only things they cared about were if I graduated, passed a background check and passed a drug test. Every subsequent job is concerned about your experience, license in good standing, ability to pass a background check and ability to pass a drug test. My point is, you do not have to be a straight A/4.0 student to be an amazing nurse. Don’t let those letters and numbers make you feel like you can’t do it or aren’t good enough because you are and you can. Same goes for the NCLEX. Didn’t pass the first time? IT’S OKAY! Study up and take it again. You got this! Literally no one will ask you how many times it took you to pass.
*I feel like this should go without saying, BUT… this is not me telling you to not try your best or have the goal of being a straight A student. I am also not telling you that being a straight A student is bad or in any way makes you less of a nurse.
Choose your Battles Wisely
This one has taken me the longest to learn. If you only take away one of the points from this article, please let it be this one. Early in my career I chose every battle, every time. Obviously you have free will and can do whatever you want with your own career, but I will tell you that choosing every battle leads to mental exhaustion and faster burnout. Not to mention the sense of dread you begin to feel when going to work every day. You start to feel like everyone is against you and, to be realistic, they probably are. You will make enemies faster than friends and eventually you will want to leave. You’ll think starting over somewhere new with new people will be just what you need. At some point, you’ll learn the problem lies partially with you.
I know this seems vague and you’re probably asking, “how do I know which battles to choose?”. I don’t have an answer for you because that decision is completely up to you. What I can do is tell you some of my hard stops for choosing a battle.
putting someone in physical danger
getting an innocent person in trouble
directly affects me and/or my boundaries
harassment
breaking workplace policy
breaking the law
Now, what does “choosing a battle” look like? Again, I can’t give you an answer because that will be completely up to you to handle. It may look like confronting a coworker directly (and professionally). It may look like you reporting something to your manager. How you handle these situations will be something you learn throughout your experiences. If you are unsure of what to do, your unit educator, trusted mentor, manager and human resources can all be great people to talk to and get some clarity.
Let’s Wrap this UP
I hope you take some things away from this article and it helps you in your nursing career. Nurses, let me know what lessons you have learned and want others to know in the comment section below!
Until Next Time,
Happy Nursing
